One And The Same
by SweetestReject
Summary: Summary on the first page...Just a little thing I'm doing. More for PS fans than JS fans.
1. The News

Uh...yeah...Just a thing I started doing. I keep reading all these stories where Suze gets cancer, or is dying, so I'm trying my hand at one. It's intended to be a one-shot, but I might continue it. Paul/Suze fluff, but possibly a little Jesse/Suze fluff as well...I don't know yet. So yea...Oh, and my other stories will be updated soon, I PROMISE!!!

**Suze's POV:**

"Paul, go away!" I cried, holding back real tears. I had held them in for almost six months, and there was no way I was going to let them fall now.

"Suze, something's been bothering you for awhile." Paul said, concern laced in his voice. "Will you just tell me what it is? Is it De Silva? Because I swear to God, if he's hurt you in any way whatsoever, I'll-"I didn't get to find out what Paul would do because at that moment, I collapsed. I would have hit the hard ground of the breezeway had Paul not dropped to his knees as well and caught me.

"Suze! Suze!" Paul said frantically. He cradled my head in his hands. "Suze! Say something, Suze!"

"F-father...Dom..." I croaked out. That's what the doctors had told me to do, should I collapse at school. Go to Father Dom's office.

Paul picked me up bridal style and carried me to Father Dom's office. Father D took one look at me and asked Paul to leave.

"No!" I choked. I didn't want Paul to leave, strangely enough.

"Don't worry, Suze." Paul whispered. "I won't leave. I'll stay here."

"Susannah, is Mr. Slater aware of your condition?" Father Dom asked delicately.

I shook my head weakly. "Condition, Suze?" Paul asked, holding my hand. I opened my eyes to see his baby blue's fixated on me, worry and concern in them. "What condition would this be?"

I swallowed. No one outside the family- other than Father Dom and my doctors- knew. Even Jesse had no clue- not that he'd care. He hadn't been around since that day in the graveyard. It had been almost a year since that day. I hadn't told Cee or Adam, either. Did I really want Paul to be the first to know?

_Yes. Yes, I did._

"Paul...about six months ago, I was diagnosed with..." I started to say. I couldn't speak. "With leukemia." I finished in a whisper.

"What?" Paul gasped. He was in denial, I could tell. "No. I don't believe it."

"Nor do I, Susannah." I heard from the window area. I glanced over as best I could, and saw the familiar black pants Jesse always wore. Father Dom had gone to his secretary's desk to call the hospital to send someone here to get me.

"You!" Paul growled. Jesse ignored him.

"Susannah, why didn't you tell me?" Jesse asked. I sat up with help from Paul. Jesse stood by the window, afraid to come closer, I think.

"When would I have told you?" I spat at him. "You disappeared after that day in the graveyard. This is the first time I've seen you in almost a year! A _year_, Jesse! I thought you'd moved on."

"How can I move on, _querida_, when you're the reason I'm still here?"

"Alright, Rico, there will be no _querida's_!" I shouted. Jesse looked like I had slapped him. Paul looked proud that I'd called Jesse 'Rico' and broke in after a moment. "Suze...how long do you have? Can I do anything?"

I swallowed and felt myself get weaker. I fell back against Paul and closed my eyes as I felt his arms go around me protectively. "According to my doctor's appointment last week, I have another six months at the most." I whispered. "As far as being able to do anything, they told me I have a very rare blood type. I need a transfusion, but unless you have A negative blood, there's nothing you can do."

I could practically feel Paul smile. Actually, I did because he squeezed me tight when he smiled and then leaned down and whispered, "Suze, we were made for each other. We are one and the same. I've been telling you this for _how_ long?"

I pulled my eyes open. "Really?" I asked. I tried to sit up.

"Whoa, Suze, easy." Paul sat me up and held me so I wouldn't fall. I saw that Jesse had dematerialized.

"You would do that?" I asked, looking into Paul's ice-blue eyes. "You would really do that? For me?"

"Suze, I'd do anything for you." Paul said sincerely. He leaned in so our noses touched. "You should know that by now."

I smiled and opened my mouth to slightly protest. Before any words could come out, Paul had moved in and was kissing me.

And, unlike the time in his room, there was no doubt about it. I kissed him back.


	2. The Hospital

_Ok, people keep telling me to continue with this, so here it goes..._

_One And The Same Chapter two!_

_Yes, it will be a Paul and Suze fic, sorry to those who prefer Jesse and Suze. Writer's block, I tell ya...My other stories will be updated soon, I swear..._

**Suze's POV:**

Paul and I stayed on Father Dom's couch, kissing, until the ambulance came and took me to the hospital. Paul convinced the EMT to let him ride in back with me. When we got to the hospital, he had to wait with my Mom and Andy until I was completely checked out.

And they decided to keep me in the hospital overnight!

"This sucks. I mean, I had plans with Cee tonight! What am I going to tell her?" I whined as they set me up in my oh-so familiar hospital room.

"Tell her you're grounded or something." Mom said, smoothing my hair down. "Blame me, I don't mind."

I glared at her for a second and sighed. "Fine, fine." Paul came in a minute later with flowers.

"Aw!" I blushed. "I'm only going to be here overnight, Paul. You so didn't have to get me flowers."

Paul shrugged. "Ok, they insist I go through the formality of actually getting tested to make sure I'm a match for you. I'm going to do that, but I'll come up before I leave."

"Aye, aye, Captain." I was starting to get a little loopy from the morphine they gave me. Complain one time about the pain, and they give me a shot of morphine.

Paul grinned, kissed my cheek and left. I heard my mother cough from the window. I turned to look at her. "Yesums?" I asked her.

"Susie, who is that boy, why is he kissing you, is he your-" Mom started rattling off a whole list of questions for me about Paul.

"That's Paul Slater- yes, the Paul Slater who ruined the house- He's kissing me because he's been, like, in love with me since summer, No, he's not my boyfriend." I broke in. Just a guy I happen to make out with sometimes. No biggie.

"Is there a possibility he'll become your boyfriend? Because, Susie, you really can't be starting something serious right now, there are still too many risks-"

"I know, Mom. Just chill, Ok?" I said, leaning back against the pillows. I closed my eyes and said, "I'm going to go to sleep now, Ok?"

"Sleep tight, Susie." My mom said, after a sigh. I suppose parents are allowed to sigh after their children tell them to Chill. I heard Mom walk out of the room after the lights were turned out, and right as I drifted off, I could have sworn I heard someone say, "Goodnight, Susannah." and kiss my forehead.

I blinked a few times but sleep took over. The last thing I saw that night was a slight glimmer of someone dematerializing.

However, the first thing I saw when I woke up a few hours later, was the sleeping form of Paul Slater.

Not in the bed with me, though. In the chair next to my bed. I smiled and reached for the controller to get a nurse for more morphine for the pain that had come on in my arms and legs. _(A/N: I have no idea if this is correct, seeing as I'm too lazy to look up leukemia stuff and I've never had it.)_ As I was reaching for the remote, I knocked something over, causing a very loud _Crash!_

At which Paul started, jumping slightly, going, "Who's there?! Back off, man, she's sick!"

"Paul, sorry, that was just me!" I said, giggling a little bit. He grinned and said, "Oh. OK. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said. "What are you doing here?"

Paul shrugged. "I came by after they tested my blood and marrow- perfect match, by the way- and you were asleep, so I figured I'd wait for a little bit. I guess I dozed off or something."

"Why'd you yell for someone to back off?"

Paul blanched for a moment. "Oh, uh, no reason. Just a weird dream I guess."

"Oh. Ok." I said. I didn't buy that for anything, but this is the guy who's gonna save my life. If he wants to protect what he's saving, then that's fine by me. Especially considering a certain cowboy who's been gone for a year.

Not that I'm mad or anything. Because I'm not. He can stay gone for all I care.

**Paul's POV:**

I walked into Suze's now darkened room, and saw that she was sleeping. I was going to go, but she looked so damn angelic I couldn't. I sat down in the chair next to her bed, and took hold of her hand, running my thumb over it as she slept.

"Damn you for holding this power over me." I whispered.

"Slater." I turned my head to face the foot of Suze's hospital bed, and saw De Silva standing there, looking pretty pissed off.

"De Silva." I nodded. "See you finally showed up. Guess all it took was Suze to get a near-fatal disease for you to come around again, huh? Think you two will finally be able to live happily in your afterlives?"

De Silva's pissed-off look intensified to rage, but I continued. Sometimes when I get started, it's hard to shut me up. "Well, think again, Rico. From the sound of things at the Rectory, Suze isn't going to want to spend her afterlife with you. Lucky for me, her afterlife won't be for awhile anyway."

"Why's that?" De Silva asked, staring intently at Suze, his rage now slightly calmed.

"I've got the match she needs. I am what she needs to survive- literally." I said. I leaned over and smoothed Suze's hair. Like silk to my fingertips...

De Silva dematerialized before saying anything. I leaned back in my chair, still holding Suze's hand. I fell off into dreamland, after waking up a few times to see Rico standing over her.

_It's short, I know. I suck, I know. But I'm completely and totally swamped. I'll update soon, I swear!!!_


	3. The Aftermath

**Paul's POV:**

"Suze, wake up." I said, shaking her gently. It was the morning of our 3 year anniversery, as well as Suze's 5 year anniversery of being in remission.

"Why?" Suze muttered, curls flying up as she curled deeper into the pillows. "It's Saturday, Paul, or didn't you notice?"

I smirked. "Yes, babe, I noticed. I also noticed how you have nothing to do after 12:30, and seeing as it's 8 now, you only have to be up for a few more hours."

"It's 8?! Dammit!!" Suze jumped up from her burrow of blankets and raced into the bathroom of our place. Coincidently, it was my grandpa's place, until he died about 4 years ago and left it to us. "Why'd you let me sleep so late?" Suze yelled over the sound of the shower.

"You look so damn cute unconscious." I said, grinning.

"But I'm going to be late! I have to meet Adam and Father D at 10!" Suze cried. I just kept grinning.

"How are you feeling this morning, by the way?" I asked. Suze has been sick lately, I just hope it's not a sign that her leukemia's coming back. Even with powerful bone marrow, she's not invincable.

Suze paused for a moment. "Better. The doctor said it's not a return of the cancer."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Did he say what it was?"

Another pause. It was almost as if Suze was afraid to tell me what was wrong.

**Suze's POV:**

"Did he say what it was?"

Why am I having such trouble telling my husband I'm pregnant?

"Yeah." I said, turning the shower water off and stepping out. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself.

"And?"

I took a deep breath and said, "And I have some pretty big news." I walked to our bedroom and sat down on the bed with Paul.

"Honey, I'm...uh...well, I'm...pregnant." I stuttered, finally getting it out.

Paul's face went from shock to happiness in about a second. "You are?" I nodded.

"That's fantastic!" Paul kissed me deeply and stroked my stomach.

I'm an idiot, I swear...Of course Paul'd be happy! How many times had we talked about starting a family? "I feel like an idiot." I admitted.

"Why?"

"I was afraid to tell you I was pregnant." I said as Paul put his ear against my belly. "I don't know why, just that I was."

"Suze, you don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. Ever." Paul swore.

"I know." I looked down. "Forgive me?"

Paul leaned over and kissed me, gently at first, then fiery and passionate. "I'll take that as a yes." I whispered as we broke apart.

Paul just grinned as we started kissing again.

**Later...**

"Suze, you're late!" Adam griped as I walked into Father Dom's office in rumpled clothes and messy hair. Paul and I had lost track of time, and I was late for my teacher meeting with Father Dom.

Yes. Teacher meeting. Adam and I both became teachers at the mission. We were about to start student teaching, which is why we had to meet with Father Dom.

"Sorry. I got distracted." I grinned sheepishly. "Good news does that to a marriage."

"Care to share this good news with us, Susannah? Or is it Mrs. Slater?" Father Dom asked, coming into the room.

"It's Mrs. Slater when I start teaching. Until then, Susannah is good, Father D." I said, grinning. "And the good news would be that I'm pregnant."

Adam and Father Dom both congratulated me, then we got down to business.


	4. The Return of the Cowboy

_This is Jesse's POV, flashing back a little, then going forward. Hope you guys like it!!!_

**Jesse's POV:**

Pregnant. That spawn of Satan first wed, then took to bed MY querida. She is with child, growing more lovely every day. If I hadn't been so stupid, if I hadn't listened to the priest, then perhaps she would be mine. I would have been the one to hold her during her illness. I would have been the one to lie with her for the first time.

But I listened to Father Dominic. He told me that a relationship between myself and Susannah would not be right. So after that kiss in the graveyard, I left. I watched Susannah from afar, invisible, seeing her cry when I was gone for so long, seeing the cancer take over. Seeing how she confided in no one but Slater, seeing how she became closer to him in so many ways. Seeing how she loved him with all her heart, all her soul, and traditionally, her body...It tore me up to see her so in love.

Yet, at the same, had Susannah been miserable, I would have been just as torn up, if not more so.

I watched Susannah as she braved life, raising at first a little boy the spitting image of Slater, followed by twin girls with their mothers' emerald eyes. Her love for him never wavered; if anything, she loved him more with each passing day.

After many years, playing Guardian Angel to Susannah and her offspring, I began to wonder if I had missed my chance to move on. If Susannah was why I was here so long, and I had passed it up, then would I forever remain on Earth?

"Mommy, Mommy!"

"Yes, Sarah?" Susannah asked, between fixing lunch for her eldest.

"Amber took my Barbie and won't give it back!"

"Did not!" Cried the indignant Amber, her emerald eyes flashing much like Susannah's used to when she got angry. "You took my Barbie and I took it back from you!"

"I did not!"

"Did so!"

"Did not!"

"So!"

"NOT!!!"

"Girls, Stop arguing!" Susannah said firmly. She knelt down to their five-year-old heights and said, "I clearly remember buying each of you separate Barbies. Remember, we went to the store, and you each picked out the ones you liked?"

"Yeah but she took-"

"Sarah, you got the blonde-haired Barbie, remember?" Susannah finished, shushing her daughter. "And this one," Susannah held up the brunette Barbie Amber was holding onto fiercely, "Has brown hair."

"What's this I see?" Paul said jollily, holding up a blonde doll.

"Daddy! You found it!" Sarah cried, the fight over and the now happy girls returning to their afternoon of games.

"You, my dear, are a miracle worker." Susannah said, standing from her crouching position and rubbing her back.

"Only when it comes to finding lost toys." Paul laughed. He took over rubbing the lower part of Susannah's back, where it ached, and they laughed and giggled over something. I treasured Susannah's laughter, the rich velvet of it, the way it rang out, spreading happiness.

If only I hadn't made a fool of myself to her! She would never speak to me should I show myself, she acted cold the days she did, and I often entertained the idea of having Father Dominic exorcise me.

I sighed invisibly, and Susannah tensed.

"Suze? You Ok?" Paul asked, rubbing her shoulders now.

"I just got this cold feeling." Susannah answered. "Like, there's a ghost here, but they don't want to reveal themselves."

"Probably just Rico." Slater said, leaning in and kissing her neck. "You know he's never moved on."

"Yeah, I know." Susannah sighed, and shook herself. She packed away her son Peter's lunch, and started to clean up the kitchen.

"Thank god it's the weekend." Susannah said as she wiped down the table. "Are you positive Jack doesn't mind watching the kids? Aren't he and Marina doing something?"

"Suze, relax." Paul said, throwing the dishrag into the sink. "Jack and Marina are fine about watching the kids. They think it'll be good practice for when their kid is born."

"Yeah, two five-year-olds and an eight year old are about as hard to take care of as a newborn." Susannah laughed. "I just hope they're good at stopping fights. Sarah and Amber are arguement-crazy these days."

Hearing Susannah and Paul talk about their offspring was almost too much. Seeing Paul and Susannah start to become intimate _(A/N: Not intimate as in having sex. Intimate as in kissing.)_ was too much for me, so with another sigh, I dematerialized.

Will I forever be damned to spend eternity watching the one woman I could have had, had I not been a fool?


End file.
